Home / Faith & Spirituality /Featured /Young Adult Voices / Twenty-three and Stuck
This article is part of an ongoing series called “Young Adult Voices.” This series gives young adults who are either in congregations or searching for a congregation a voice to express their cares and frustrations about the Church. Because many of these young adults are trying to find places of welcome in Washington area ELCA congregations, the articles are anonymous.
For a city that should be a model to the rest of our nation, DC’s got a long way to go. I’ve been a resident here for a year and a half now, and it didn’t take me long to realize that our schools suck, our roads suck, cost of living sucks, traffic sucks, our hospitals suck, and parking is horrendous. I made the big mistake of bringing a car to DC in April. I didn’t particularly want to have it, but because of a family emergency, I needed to borrow my mom’s car, just for a few months. I never knew a cute speedy Jetta could be such a huge stressor, but as I searched through parking options and stood in line at the DMV for hours, I quickly learned that DC is not on my side.
I am 23. In the next 10 years, it is likely that I will go to grad school, get married, settle into a career path, buy my first house, and maybe even have a kid or few (not necessarily in that order)! How is it that all of those other pieces are supposed to fall into place when I can’t even find a place to park my car??! Forgive me for being a bit dramatic, but there are days when I’m quite sure I’ll never achieve anything off that intimidating list. And on my most dramatic days, I feel completely alone in the struggle.
Towards the end of college, I met regularly with a career counselor from Luther’s Career Center – Mark. I joked with him that I’d like him to be my career counselor for life, but seriously! – who is supposed to help me now? My challenges seem bigger and my questions more in depth as my understanding of the world both grows and diminishes at the same time. Where is Mark now? And can he help me find a place to park my car??
This is where the church is presented with an opportunity and often fails (according to me). While churches are slowly gaining wisdom about creating and energizing Young Adult groups, they must not forget the power of intergenerational relationships. We need each other. I need my peers so we can commiserate together about being 23 and completely lost. And I need the older adults in the church who have gone before me…who have successfully made it through their 20s and live to tell about it!
One of the most vocationally helpful exercises I’ve been through came from the Quaker tradition. At a recent Volunteers Exploring Vocation retreat (put on by the Fund for Theological Education), I participated in a Quaker Clearness Committee. Clearness Committees are designed to help an individual wrestle with an issue through listening and asking questions. About six people sat in a circle around me that day. I presented my issue – should I apply for grad school in the fall or keep working? And for the next hour, they were only allowed to ask questions and welcome silence. I did not walk away from that experience with a yes or no answer. But somehow, I left feeling freer and more well-equipped to choose my path.
In the Quaker tradition, a Clearness Committee would meet with you again and again until you feel as though your issue is resolved. It’s this sense of community that I feel has been lacking from my church experience. Not the chatty, nosy community – there’s plenty of that in the Lutheran church! (It’s clear to me that people are curious what I’ll do next.) What I find less frequently are genuine listening ears who treat my struggles as their own. Who seek to ask questions rather than offering answers that worked for them when they were my age.
I ended up having to rent a parking spot for $120 a month. Less than ideal, but at least it’s taken care of. And I decided not to go to grad school right away. Yet somehow, life keeps happening, whether I’m ready for it or not. Still, I am convinced that we do not have to be alone on this journey! I invite you to come with me – for the journey is long, and we weren’t created to walk this road alone.
