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This article is part of an ongoing series called “Young Adult Voices.” This series gives young adults who are either in congregations or searching for a congregation a voice to express their cares and frustrations about the Church. Because many of these young adults are trying to find places of welcome in Washington area ELCA congregations, the articles are anonymous. This article’s picture reference to “Spirit Garage” is taken from the church to which this author refers. www.spiritgarage.org. Check it out!
Growing up in Minnesota I often struggled with my relationship with church and God. My mother grew up Lutheran and father attended a small rural Christian church in his youth. My parents always had good intentions taking my sisters and me to church on a regular basis, getting involved in Sunday school, vacation bible study, and various church productions, but my attachment to church and relationship with God was always wary at best.
When it was time to apply to college I seemed to have briefly turned a blind eye to my target schools’ religious affiliation or lack there of. I ultimately found myself at a small Catholic liberal arts University in the Midwest. It was there in my required theology courses that I began to form my relationship with God, but still, not directly with the church.
A few years after graduating from college I began to date an amazing woman who is now my wife. She was my spiritual opposite. Having a strong Lutheran upbringing and describing herself as a church basement lady in training she said that in order to continue to date her we would need to find a church to attend, together. Knowing this was the woman for me and after some heart to heart conversations I obliged and we found a church that fit both our needs. The church was a plant by a well-established Lutheran congregation looking to attract unchurched young adults, they described themselves as “Lutheran under the hood”. It was casual enough for the cautious, curious and scared newcomer, yet traditional Lutheran (in a way) for my spouse. Its location in an urban environment with a large young, single population made the church perfect fit. With equal parts rock and roll and multimedia coolness there was no question we were at home. The church and its community was a blessing on our relationship as we participated in numerous small groups, helped prepare the space for worship, and served on the stewardship committee and was our home for a number of years.
In the fall of 2008 we relocated for work to the D.C. metro area. Sad to leave our family, friends and church we were still excited for a new adventure. One of the early items on the to do list was to find a church, but where to start? We both spent time talking with local connections for suggestions as well as searching online, because everything is online, right? Wrong. Years ago I used to bet people that I could find anything online in under 5 minutes. Give me a question and I was off to hunt it down, but this time, my search engine skills were failing me.
If I had only searched for “church my city Maryland” I would have received no ELCA matches on the first page, which could mean up to 10-14 weeks of visiting churches before we would have gotten to a Lutheran church. Luckily we knew better and used a combination of the ELCA online directory, at the suggestion of my wife, and more specific online search, but even then I could tell quickly that the particular churches I found weren’t for me, I was looking for a website that I could relate to as a 20 something newcomer to the area. A website that told me all about the congregation in only a few pages, and an extra bonus if there was a cool multimedia section of the site so I could hear their great band and experience the church without ever showing up on a Sunday morning. I wanted to know that I would fit in and have small groups and activities that were suited to my non traditional church relationship. My search engine skills did fail but after I had almost given up hope, I heard a news story on the radio of a new kind of church in the area that sounded just like what I was looking for. I got to my office and did a quick search for it online and there it was, a relatively new church, meeting in a movie theater, that really seemed to understand young adults, with small groups, great contemporary music and with a great vibe to their website which was the first and only impression I had of their church. We ultimately made plans to attend a service, but never made it, it turned out that it was almost an hour drive from our home and in our attempt to get there we got lost and never made it back.
We became frustrated and ultimately stopped looking, believing that what we were looking for did not exist. In my heart I remain hopeful and do believe that with time I will find my home.
